I kept the right ones out...and let the wrong ones in.

I feel pretty good today for some reason..Not going to question it to much..although that is what I am really good at..Dam near a pro!... it also helps me stay sick.

This dam cirrhosis seems to make me feel sick all the time and has for a while now. It doesn't prevent me from thinking positive. There is good days and bad days in every dis-ease that exist.  I'll be the first to tell ya, especially on the bad days that I catch myself thinking I am hopeless...I will never feel better..This is as good as it gets...My dis-ease loves this type of thinking. I know it has me then, just as my disease knows.  Recovery stops and addict behavior starts. Even though I may have "justification for feeling not-so-u- to- Parr".. does not mean I have "justification to lay down" mentally. ...This is when this addict has to do anything but....and sometimes I get paralyzed with fear, when I do not instinctively now how to handle this..Yet......Recovery from the day to day destruction I put myself thru takes time...So do the NEW things that come along since / when  I chose to live life.. on life's terms.

I am so grateful for the good days...but they would not exists  if it were not for the bad ones.


clean jft

worry is lack of faith. And asking why I worry does nothing but make me worry more. Then the obsessive nature of my twisted addicted brain takes over. I sit and stare into nothing as if I was watching something remarkable or like I have just seen a Ghost. (been there already and seen my share) Not getting any better today but getting by.