My name is .......I just got this overwhelming desire to scream KIDDDDDDDD ROCK!! Anyway this is my attempt to create a blog about my journey into the madness and darkness of drug addiction. what went on during those years, the events that I can recall anyway, how I came to a point that death looked better and started my attempt at recovery. Then falling many many times for the lies my disease would conjour up and make be believe I could somehow use drugs successfully. Then falling back into the familiar and disgustingly new hell of active addiction "just one more time", to my day to day recovery.
I have an active blog on my website and wanted to move it over here for the more blogger friendly options. I will try to transfer all of it to here. I have decided to use this as my daily journal that I use in my recovery. I had to take along hard look at this decission to see if I was doing this just for my ego and what would be in it for me or was this intended to help the addict who still suffers. I dont' have a clue. If It helps someone decide to enter recovery thats fne. I am not here to promote NA or AA this is just my story, blog, diary of the things that go on between my ears and some of the events that happened in my life, nothing more. I like the way it looks and there are plenty of gadgets to play with here, as well as getting to read other blogs is the main reason I'm here .
I do apprechiate you stopping by. Please do so as much as you like. I encourage your thoughts about addiction as well as your comments about this blog. Feel free to say whatever is on your mind in the comment sections at the bottom of every post.Everyone is always welcome here. Addict or not.
My name is Jerry B. I am 47 yrs old, single, Father of 1 daughter 23 yrs old who is married and have 2 children, both my darling little Granddaughters, a 5 yr. old and a 10 month old (2012). I have worked in the heavy civil earth moving construction industry my entire working career. I worked my way from equipment operator to superintendent in 9 yrs, I have not worked since May of 2010. I relapsed and after getting clean and a stint at a long term treatment center my life was spared once more. However It was found out that I have Hepatitis C. Left UN-treated It later progressed to stage 4 Cirrhosis before it was found.
I was just not getting any better physically. Was sick the entire time of early detox and in-patient treatment. I contracted Hep C from one of the blood transfusions I received in 1979 (they did not screen blood and blood products like they do today) while being treated for injuries I received in a farming accident. My right leg was amputated in the field by a hay mower and my left leg calf muscle was filleted from the knee down to my ankle. I laid in the field for over 7 hrs in 90 degree temps before I was found. I was 14 yrs old. Infection almost killed me several times, but after 3 months in the hospital i was released a full blown morphine addict. And for the next 30 yrs I did what I had to do to live my life everyday for it.
I have done anything I want, nothing gets in my way and most people do not know I am an amputee. I had plenty of pretty girlfriends during my dating yrs. no one has ever back away from me because of my leg...wouldnt cared if they did. I Have made a warehouse full of money and have dated some of the most beautiful girls on the planet. Have worked in every state in the U.S. at least once with the exception of Hawaii, Dang it!
I have been in 10 detox centers and 8 recovery centers some were combinations of both.
I got married to a great lady it lasted 6 yrs. that was just a mere 6 yrs ago.(2012) I lost my wife, my job, and found out my 17 yr daughter was pregnant all in less than 3 hrs time one dark friday afternoon. My wife just said "i dont love you I want a divorce and its not open for conversation Im leaving tonight".
The war in Afghanistan broke out and I was working for the corps of engineers so all their money for construction projects was immediately frozen. No work. I moved back to memphis and got a job with a company out of Denver that was down here doing a project. Rented a house and had it full of strippers in a month. Ran all but one off. She was a good person. I had half of my kidney removed due to a stone and she took care of me. I was in bed flat on my back for 6 weeks. She was a blessing. We got really close and fell in love. she went with me to kansas and colorado while I was working. I have to say I was happy and she told me daily how happy she was. I was so happy that I thought I need to celebrate. I had went through all the bad things in the last 2 yrs without using...but now I thought I could. She found me passed out and was mad as hell. I did it 3 more time in 6 month period and she had enough. She left begging me to get help.
I wound up back home or should I say where my family is from. I stayed clean and went to meeting like I was suppose to. Started working with my sponsor working the steps. Things were just fine. Good even. I met the most beautiful woman that God had ever created at a meeting one night. We started seeing alot of each other whenever we had the chance. I have never been in love that much in my life. She was very happy and in love deeply with me also. she would tell me daily and I did feel it too. Man!! what a feeling when you know the other loves you equal....I could not stay clean.....even for her. She would kick me out but could not stay away from me long. I never was violent or degrading to her or any woman. That is just not in me. We were together for over 4 yrs. went through hell together and tragedy like finding her dad dead in their kitchen floor... I can still hear her whisper and cry in my ear, "dont let me go..never let me go baby" and I dint. We moved in together and was never ever seen apart, We got engaged Christmas of 09 and were to be married in April 10.......I started using again after another kidney stone........
She came to see me for three of the visits at the recovery house on Sundays. The last one I knew something was wrong.......we had been talking about our future, She said she was so proud of me and she knew this time that I had finally made it, We talked about how we had planned for our future together over the last year or so and we were going to put it into action...She believed in me and wanted to be my wife so bad she said...................................
She didn't call or come the next week she left me for a woman.....yea,...needless to say "I didn't see that one coming at all." I died and I am still dead to a point. But I remained clean. So far I have not found it necessary to use.....just for today.
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