How long to the point of no return

Its 2:53 in the morning. I should be asleep or at the very least sleepy...Was up most of the night last night with my back hurting... Pulled a muscle on my left side and it only hurts when I blink. Have had so much on my mind the past few days.   I am wanting to get on with my life.  Not worried about getting anything back or things being like they were before...I do not want things like before!!!  Who in there right mind would want that hell....No , I'm ready to get on wiyh a new life. One that I dont have a clue what to do. One that I will have to let my higher power do the navagation. And I suppose I will get when he is ready,,,, No when he desides that I am ready to handle it.  I have been trying since 1993 for some of these sayings in recovery to make sence to me and for me to want to apply them in my life. I do have a few that I live by today ,,they are that important to me...not just nice things to say at meetings so everyone would like me and be in awe about my recovery....It took me along time to recoginize those people didnt come to that meeting and single me out as there way to recovery.  My ego is about 1000 times bigger than it should be. You should have seen the size of it when I first started coming around these rooms!!!  LOL  Yes it was quiet a shock when I found out that what I thought was words of wisdom that you needed to here coming out of my mouth was a desperate dying addict crying for help......and the people around those tables didnt care what i was saying , they were just glad I showed up...They loved me till i could love myself.....then they told me to shut the hell up and listen!!!   No that came long before I was able to love myself let me tell ya. The people in these rooms taught me how to live my life without drugs, to open my mind to the chance that there might be a power greater than me...and even though I could not see it, it was there and had the power to remove the obsession to use drugs from me. God as I understand him got me clean and keeps me clean on a daily basis...The people in these rooms all over the world teach me how to carry on and live my life when I am clean, without my veins full of dope... and to remind me that I only have a daily repreve from the insanity of addiction. I am constantly only one fix, drink, pill away from the blackness and nothingness of active addiction......to offer free what was so freely given to me to the newcomer and the addict that still suffers....I have gained that attitude of gratitude that will keep any addict from useing just for today... I love and I am grateful for this fellowship, this program and my higher power whom i choose to call God...not necessarily in that order and if no one has not told you today that they love you, I do, I love you too.