No Body told me there would be days like these..strange days indeed

First of all I want to apologize for what follows.  I am in recovery to find a way to live without drugs and to have peace. This is driving me mad.  I am grateful for you all who listen.
I know what the old me would do about this ....the new me is lost. That's where sponsor's and others that have had experience with this come into play. I myself, was once called upon by sponcees who were always in the middle of some major crisis, things were new and just not going the way they would like them to. I could advise them and done well as they are still clean today. However, being in recovery 15 months clean from my last relapse, I have trust issues with myself and therefore do not have a clue what to do....Now the part for concern is that I feel so normal thinking as I did in active addiction and that is what scares me. I will continue to pray for willingness to share this with the others or the willingness to become willing.
   The only woman That I have ever loved in my life, the one that left me for a woman for those of you who are not familiar. Has made it plan that she is single again. She contacted me very vaguely on face book. We talked briefly. Before it was over I told her how much I missed her. Her response was really? I left it alone right there. It has not been but a little over 3 months that she contacted me and wanted me back. I agreed and that's when......oh hell!!!...if you are interested in this click the link to my old blog...I am just repeating myself and frankly its quiet sickening to me to relive that shit again.
  I know the old me would go after her with every feeling I had on my sleeve, expecting a grand reconciliation of our differences...just sitting myself up for a disaster so I would have an excuse to get brain dead high. I still love this woman like I did when we first met. I never stopped during our 4 plus years together.She was the one that i was to spend the rest of my life with and we had made all the plans for that.  I can not find one reason why I should stop this........They pain she put me through there has got to be a reason why I should leave her be. There is none. Its like I am suppose to be with her.   Now , enter the new me.  Due to the pain...Let her be. Stay away. Pray about it and then give it to God.....I have stayed out of relationships for 15 months this time and have been doing nothing but working on me and my relationship with my higher power. I have done what was suggested and I work daily to the best of my ability to learn a new sane way of living. I have not used even when I could not find a reason not to. I must be doing something right.