I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy, the man did he look pretty ill.

Well I see it coming, no not a relapse something else with powerful emotions attached. I am an emotional cripple but I cant run from it and do not know why. I know I will come out with my guts in a basket, yet I am not afraid to go through it. I am just tired of running and dodging it, going out of my way to avoid it and yet nothing ever changes. When its printed out on this screen it does warrant something else, some other type action, some other thoughts. Sometimes I think my heart is to big. My serenity is being affected by this to much. Its time to do something different. I have to come to accept this. amd this is the way it is. I can removemyself but I am always found. I do not have the heart to be mean. I do not want to hurt and I do not want to hurt someone else. In the middle of recovery is a hell of a place to be with those thoughts.  This will all make sense befor I stop completely.