I do not know why I put off writing. I guess I like to wallow around and obsess about my feelings. Then the compulsion to keep doing it sets in... and I go around and around until I'm spinning out of control. Out of control and alone with my feelings is one of the most dangerous places for me to be.
That is when I have learned that using some tools that I have been given to even the playing field or should I say the battle field, help me get back in the moment. I do not always pick these tools up when I need them. In fact when I'm obsessing and com-pulsing over something, I forget about them.
That is why for me, it is important to have some kind of schedule of doing things for my recovery. When I show up at a scheduled time, the things (Tools) that I have put there are still there. Example. If I pray and meditate at a certain time daily, I know that from 5 to 6 a.m. daily that is where I'll be. Or, if I write in a journal nightly just before going to bed. I will be there nightly. I may write the date and time and nothing else, but I showed up. ..........doing this also puts structure to my life. Plus it builds accountability to myself and recovery.
anyway, back to the writing. When I put my thoughts and feelings down on paper where I can see them., it helps me to see patterns that I have developed. Then I can write about that. Pretty soon that weight starts to lift off of my shoulders, my backache is gone and my sinus actually feel more clear... and I can breath!!! There is a lot to learn about ourselves when we put "us" down on paper.
Clean jft
Monday, December 30, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
Every Silver Lining Has a Touch of Grey
For the past 2 months I could count on one thing. The fact that my ex GF would be calling and texting me every hour or so. I try not to take someone elses inventory other than mine, so I will not start doing so now. She is an addict. The only difference between she and I is, I am not using. Enough said about that.
I did answer the phone today when she called. She had called to tell me that a mutual acquaintance of ours had over-dosed and was dead. I have received far to many of those calls.... She had been one of the first to find him. It was her first time of seeing this part of this disease. I know how it feels. So does she.
All of us addicts do not always recover. I've read and heard it said many times, "Some of us will die so that others can live" But it is our choice. Sometime all of this just doesn't make sense...There is one thing that does make sense to me, If I am clean today and If I do tomorrow what I did today, there is a good chance I will stay clean tomorrow. I pray for this addict and his family, that they may find the comfort that is in understanding.
Clean JFT.
I did answer the phone today when she called. She had called to tell me that a mutual acquaintance of ours had over-dosed and was dead. I have received far to many of those calls.... She had been one of the first to find him. It was her first time of seeing this part of this disease. I know how it feels. So does she.
All of us addicts do not always recover. I've read and heard it said many times, "Some of us will die so that others can live" But it is our choice. Sometime all of this just doesn't make sense...There is one thing that does make sense to me, If I am clean today and If I do tomorrow what I did today, there is a good chance I will stay clean tomorrow. I pray for this addict and his family, that they may find the comfort that is in understanding.
Clean JFT.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Just don't feel it today
The holidays are especially difficult for people living with an addiction. Depression
is a common holiday addiction trigger, and people who are trying to
recover may feel a familiar pull to return to old behaviors when the
pressures seem overwhelming. It's important to be aware of what may
trigger an addiction response so that trigger situations can be avoided.
Keep in mind that addictions are behaviors that are out of control and
that an addict cannot control the behavior without help.
Addiction Triggers
For many people, there isn't any one, specific holiday addiction trigger. With drug addiction, the brain and body chemistry are addicted as well as the mind itself, so the body will crave drugs; however, a physiological addiction is more complicated as it involves an addiction of the mind.
Psychologists note that compulsive, addictive behaviors can be triggered by emotional stress, financial pressures, complicated family relationships, depression or anxiety, loneliness and other negative feelings. The holidays are a time when a lot of people come together and the stress of so many social obligations can be too much for an addict to cope with.
Compound that with the stress of paying for gifts, travel expenses, food and other holidays-related costs, anxiety about how things will unfold, past issues and more, and an addict will face a constant struggle to keep away from compulsive behaviors and, without help, may eventually succumb.
How to Cope
Knowing what situations will trigger addictive behaviors is a key to avoiding problems. According to psychologists, addiction is something you recover from, not something you stop.
1. Be honest with yourself: Addicts often cover their behavior with lying--to themselves and others. Coping with addition means being honest that there is a problem and help is needed.
2. Learn new ways to deal: Many people fall into addictions because they had habits that got out of control – like drinking to relax or cope with stress or to forget. Replace old habits and ways of dealing with problems with new, healthy ones.
3. Avoid risky circumstances: People, places and things can all be triggers for addicts. If there is a specific person, a location or a circumstance that has been a trigger-point in the past, avoid it completely. Gracefully bow out of social functions that will cause problems and stay away from people who present stresses.
4. Be fearless about seeking intervention: Recovering from addiction is a life-long process, but accountability has proven to be one way to help keep addicts from relapsing. Alcoholics Anonymous and other relationship-based programs help addicts get through tough times, but putting them into healthy relationships where they can be honest about their struggles and seek helpful advice. Friends and family may also be an option if relationships are healthy and won't trigger addiction problems. Being able to lean on someone who can provide strength and support and understanding will help during times of weakness.
Many people don't understand addiction or what motivates an addict. Being aware of what behaviors are or may become an addition is a first step in recovering from life-controlling addictions. Remember, a habit is a choice, an addiction is not.
Addiction Triggers
For many people, there isn't any one, specific holiday addiction trigger. With drug addiction, the brain and body chemistry are addicted as well as the mind itself, so the body will crave drugs; however, a physiological addiction is more complicated as it involves an addiction of the mind.
Psychologists note that compulsive, addictive behaviors can be triggered by emotional stress, financial pressures, complicated family relationships, depression or anxiety, loneliness and other negative feelings. The holidays are a time when a lot of people come together and the stress of so many social obligations can be too much for an addict to cope with.
Compound that with the stress of paying for gifts, travel expenses, food and other holidays-related costs, anxiety about how things will unfold, past issues and more, and an addict will face a constant struggle to keep away from compulsive behaviors and, without help, may eventually succumb.
How to Cope
Knowing what situations will trigger addictive behaviors is a key to avoiding problems. According to psychologists, addiction is something you recover from, not something you stop.
1. Be honest with yourself: Addicts often cover their behavior with lying--to themselves and others. Coping with addition means being honest that there is a problem and help is needed.
2. Learn new ways to deal: Many people fall into addictions because they had habits that got out of control – like drinking to relax or cope with stress or to forget. Replace old habits and ways of dealing with problems with new, healthy ones.
3. Avoid risky circumstances: People, places and things can all be triggers for addicts. If there is a specific person, a location or a circumstance that has been a trigger-point in the past, avoid it completely. Gracefully bow out of social functions that will cause problems and stay away from people who present stresses.
4. Be fearless about seeking intervention: Recovering from addiction is a life-long process, but accountability has proven to be one way to help keep addicts from relapsing. Alcoholics Anonymous and other relationship-based programs help addicts get through tough times, but putting them into healthy relationships where they can be honest about their struggles and seek helpful advice. Friends and family may also be an option if relationships are healthy and won't trigger addiction problems. Being able to lean on someone who can provide strength and support and understanding will help during times of weakness.
Many people don't understand addiction or what motivates an addict. Being aware of what behaviors are or may become an addition is a first step in recovering from life-controlling addictions. Remember, a habit is a choice, an addiction is not.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Talking without listen....The sound of silence
Everyone is influenced by someone, and so am I. To not be influenced is
to remain ignorant.Today I do not hinder my thinking, particularly
around spiritual matters, because of pride. I may not like change. I may
find it hard to accept attitudes and opinions that differ
from my own. I know pride keeps me deaf and often stupid. However, the
daily program of a lived spirituality encourages a variety of opinions
and attitudes. I can learn from different customs, lifestyles, and
religions. I can be helped in my understanding of life by the stranger.
I know I do not have all the answers.Today I am trying my best to listen.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Bloodshot Eyes are Gone
"The real problem is in the hearts and minds of humankind." Albert Einstein
I
am facing not so much a "drug problem" as a "people problem," and this
requires a solution that comes from me. I believe my solution and
recovery have already been given by God but must be discovered from
within. I need to seek out what is truly in my mind and heart: What are
my problems, what are my needs, what do I long for, and where am I
going in my life? It is no longer enough for me to know my problems; I
need also talk about them, Today I choose to express my feelings.
God, I thank You for the creative gift of communication.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Talk About Things That Nobody Cares
"Dam.... What model higher power is that?", "model #666"?,,,,..... "lol....When are you ever gona learn"?!!
That was a quote made to me, by my sponsor I had at the time some 10 years ago. It was followed by a hearty .. "Ya know Jerry,...You are going to go oh so far in this program of recovery....... Because you have sooooooooooo far to go!!!!....lol " I had to laugh myself. I had just brought the "next love of my life,... ( a f lamming co-dependent and a super great person) to meet him. Oh my....That was NOT a good choice!
This is just one more of my character defects that I must work on constantly it seems. Especially at times like the present when I am licking my wounds after another failed relationship. I could have sworn I was entirely ready for God to remove this defect a long time ago......I guess not??? I can hear those words of wisdom that were spoken to me long ago loud and clear today. " You need to learn how to have a healthy relationship with yourself before you go looking for one with someone else"..... "Especially as bad as you run to others i.e. members of the opposite sex,..when you are in pain"!!! What worked at the beginning will work now too!
Thank God for the other addicts just like me!!!
another day clean. JFT
That was a quote made to me, by my sponsor I had at the time some 10 years ago. It was followed by a hearty .. "Ya know Jerry,...You are going to go oh so far in this program of recovery....... Because you have sooooooooooo far to go!!!!....lol " I had to laugh myself. I had just brought the "next love of my life,... ( a f lamming co-dependent and a super great person) to meet him. Oh my....That was NOT a good choice!
This is just one more of my character defects that I must work on constantly it seems. Especially at times like the present when I am licking my wounds after another failed relationship. I could have sworn I was entirely ready for God to remove this defect a long time ago......I guess not??? I can hear those words of wisdom that were spoken to me long ago loud and clear today. " You need to learn how to have a healthy relationship with yourself before you go looking for one with someone else"..... "Especially as bad as you run to others i.e. members of the opposite sex,..when you are in pain"!!! What worked at the beginning will work now too!
Thank God for the other addicts just like me!!!
another day clean. JFT
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Lonesome on the Trail
This too Shall Pass..................and I am dam ready for it to!
I hear a lot in recovery about pain. I have experienced more pain than I ever knew existed while trying to learn how to live life without using dope. I swear it has ripped my soul out more times than I choose to recall. It has also made seek out relief in other means {(that were freely given to me)} than "something outside of myself that would change the way I feel"..............."when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change".........well I know for this struggling addict, that is only clean today because of the grace of God,....will change. PAIN, The great motivator.
This too shall pass.
I hear a lot in recovery about pain. I have experienced more pain than I ever knew existed while trying to learn how to live life without using dope. I swear it has ripped my soul out more times than I choose to recall. It has also made seek out relief in other means {(that were freely given to me)} than "something outside of myself that would change the way I feel"..............."when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change".........well I know for this struggling addict, that is only clean today because of the grace of God,....will change. PAIN, The great motivator.
This too shall pass.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Boy You're Gonna Carry That Weight a long Time
I wonder if I will ever learn that I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT HOW TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP!!! I have spent the past few days in a very familiar place that for some reason, I seem to find much to often in my sick ass life! Don't know if my heart is broken in a million pieces or I just do not know what to do ????? If I knew that shooting my veins full of dope would somehow take away the pain I would definitely not be here. Dope quit being my friend some time ago and I miss it as much as I have ever missed anyone or anything in my life. IT don't work no more!!! The only thing I had that I could turn to in these troubled times was just as big a fake and lair as IT had changed MY VERY self into.
Now I sat and wonder ( Which is absolutely the worst thing I could ever do) with this sick brain of mine. I had faith at one point in my recovery.........its just as hard to get out of my own way and capture it again.
Maybe I'll start with hope. This little miniscule amount I still do have, perhaps just may grow into that illusive faith I want so bad and wish to possess again..
Clean and dope free one more day!!
Now I sat and wonder ( Which is absolutely the worst thing I could ever do) with this sick brain of mine. I had faith at one point in my recovery.........its just as hard to get out of my own way and capture it again.
Maybe I'll start with hope. This little miniscule amount I still do have, perhaps just may grow into that illusive faith I want so bad and wish to possess again..
Clean and dope free one more day!!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Sometime all I need is the air that I breath
Holy Hell!!!! What in the world happened? I have had the worst time that I have ever known for the last 7 months...I definitely know that my disease is stronger than ever. However I still am able to pull something out of each day that I am thankful for...no mater how bad things this burnt out piece of meat that resides between my ears tells me it is.
I had another bad reaction to the interferon that was part of my chemo for Hep C and cirrhosis. I was told I could have them for several months, but I had one previous to this one so I should not have any more.At least that's what I thought she said. And oh yea, Its not going to bother me any more so I didn't have to go back for my levels to be checked..Great addict behavior there LOL... It will always get someone else , not me! Yet .Anyway one of the symptoms of advanced Cirrhosis is that my sick liver starts to make ammonia. For 23 days and nights I knew know one nor where I was at. That was the worst time in my life so far; Horrible scared to death every second of nearly every day.
About the time that was getting better, I was awakened one morning with blood in and dripping out of my mouth!!! Now what is up with this shit??? Comes to find out Cirrhosis causes varicose veins to form in your esophagus and bulge out and actually burst and if bad enough you hemorrhage to death. They flew me to Nashville to my transplant doc. He put me to sleep and went down my esophagus and put small tiny bands to stop the blood flow to the varicose veins that have formed. And then one time at band camp>>>>lol sorry for rambling so much.
Have one more I really need to talk about , My girl friend for the last 3 years started using again, or should i say she just got tired of trying to hide it from me. We fought all the time and was so broke we could not even pay attention. I finally got enough Wednesday morning when she cam in the bed room and proceeded to beat the hell out of me with a crutch for going to bed without waking her off the couch first, This is a big ole mess now , she got my 80 yr. old mother involved by calling over 100 times a day. The law too is involved so everything I own except for 2 pair of jeans and a shirt or 2 is at the apartment and I have to wait till we go to court on the 25th to see what the judge is gonna do.
I had another bad reaction to the interferon that was part of my chemo for Hep C and cirrhosis. I was told I could have them for several months, but I had one previous to this one so I should not have any more.At least that's what I thought she said. And oh yea, Its not going to bother me any more so I didn't have to go back for my levels to be checked..Great addict behavior there LOL... It will always get someone else , not me! Yet .Anyway one of the symptoms of advanced Cirrhosis is that my sick liver starts to make ammonia. For 23 days and nights I knew know one nor where I was at. That was the worst time in my life so far; Horrible scared to death every second of nearly every day.
About the time that was getting better, I was awakened one morning with blood in and dripping out of my mouth!!! Now what is up with this shit??? Comes to find out Cirrhosis causes varicose veins to form in your esophagus and bulge out and actually burst and if bad enough you hemorrhage to death. They flew me to Nashville to my transplant doc. He put me to sleep and went down my esophagus and put small tiny bands to stop the blood flow to the varicose veins that have formed. And then one time at band camp>>>>lol sorry for rambling so much.
Have one more I really need to talk about , My girl friend for the last 3 years started using again, or should i say she just got tired of trying to hide it from me. We fought all the time and was so broke we could not even pay attention. I finally got enough Wednesday morning when she cam in the bed room and proceeded to beat the hell out of me with a crutch for going to bed without waking her off the couch first, This is a big ole mess now , she got my 80 yr. old mother involved by calling over 100 times a day. The law too is involved so everything I own except for 2 pair of jeans and a shirt or 2 is at the apartment and I have to wait till we go to court on the 25th to see what the judge is gonna do.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Wow!!! Just wanted to stop by to thank each and everyone who has taken their time to leave such kind words of suggestions or just to say hi. They ALL really mean the world to me right now. To me, someones time is the most precious gift that can be received.
Back later.......
Jerry
Back later.......
Jerry
Thursday, March 14, 2013
I am still living with your ghost!!
I am as sick as I can ever remember... This ole tore up liver is letting me know how bad I treated it and he is pissed off big time!!! Thank God above and some GREAT physicians that treated a sick man... Not a low life addict.. So many times in the past I would go to doctors and tell them something is wrong with me I just know it...After a little history was taken and The words RECOVERING ADDICT came out....well, my time was done and so was his, hers...But I had a Diagnosis .....I felt so bad and my belly was swollen the size of a nice watermelon..and oh yea even that jaundice and yellow eyes could be explained sometimes!! It is the disease of addiction or better known around here as,,,,a Damn ole dope head... I am very lucky indeed to even be considered for the transplant list......so many others will never get that chance..... And I'll be in Nashville Tn. at Vanderbilt medical center First thing Monday morning!!!!
My liver has started making ammonia. This causes me to be crazier and more confused than normal...Its just one of the things that suck with a failing liver. I am starting to tolerate it much better than 6 months ago and Now I can't even hide behind ......lol I'm crazy as hell naturally LOL!!!
My liver has started making ammonia. This causes me to be crazier and more confused than normal...Its just one of the things that suck with a failing liver. I am starting to tolerate it much better than 6 months ago and Now I can't even hide behind ......lol I'm crazy as hell naturally LOL!!!
Monday, March 4, 2013
Send Lawyers Guns and Money.....One more time!!
It looks like another month has finished beating on me....(oh poor me..lol )This little 28 day runt has certainly left some hard healing wounds on me and my soul to say the least. I have court at 1pm tomorrow for being indicted on 1 count of sale of a schedule III drug..Hydrocodone. Found out that my own home county That I reside in, was also out to get this ole recovering junkie .So there went another 2000 dollars to the bail bondsman to pay my20K bail. But I am very thankful for his service........
3/4/13.... Gonna quit bitching for a minute. Went before the judge today and same thing happened that happen in the other county that I have charges pending. Just appointed me to the public defender after finding out I was on disability due to being right below knee amputee, hepatitis C and advanced cirrhosis. Dam I hate this. I don't have a clue whats going to go down with this, I am supposedly on camera selling a hydro to a dirtbag informant. If I know only one ounce of truth about me it is that I have NEVER sold a pill in my entire addiction career!! Buying pills?........ well that's a different story! I can remember buying loads of pills with the intent of selling some several times in the past, but I always wound up using every dam on of em!! LOL!! Just like the good addict that I am....lol, Any way, So i am definitely staying with the truth. Not worrying bout this to much, I have an appointment at Vanderbilt University Hospital in Nashville on Friday the 8th. I am fortunate enough to have a chance to be placed on the transplant list. My liver doc in Jackson has connections there and after my condition was reviewed by the docs, Hematologist at V'bilt, I was contacted immediately by them to "get to them asap" ! I'm ready, been sick as hell these last few weeks and some days I do feel like I am dying. Just taking it a day at a time....
3/4/13.... Gonna quit bitching for a minute. Went before the judge today and same thing happened that happen in the other county that I have charges pending. Just appointed me to the public defender after finding out I was on disability due to being right below knee amputee, hepatitis C and advanced cirrhosis. Dam I hate this. I don't have a clue whats going to go down with this, I am supposedly on camera selling a hydro to a dirtbag informant. If I know only one ounce of truth about me it is that I have NEVER sold a pill in my entire addiction career!! Buying pills?........ well that's a different story! I can remember buying loads of pills with the intent of selling some several times in the past, but I always wound up using every dam on of em!! LOL!! Just like the good addict that I am....lol, Any way, So i am definitely staying with the truth. Not worrying bout this to much, I have an appointment at Vanderbilt University Hospital in Nashville on Friday the 8th. I am fortunate enough to have a chance to be placed on the transplant list. My liver doc in Jackson has connections there and after my condition was reviewed by the docs, Hematologist at V'bilt, I was contacted immediately by them to "get to them asap" ! I'm ready, been sick as hell these last few weeks and some days I do feel like I am dying. Just taking it a day at a time....
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Black hole sun want you wash away the fear
Wow ! what a day.....spent all day in Memphis getting my leg worked on. My girl and I sat in a little room for over 5 hours waiting. How dare you make me wait!!!! LOL !! Don't they know who I am? and how important I am??? They could care less except for the fact that I am a customer. A customer that is going to lay down probably around $26K for a new leg in the very near future. Its just another case of life on life's terms and not mine. And sometime I hate it.... Patients is not a big attribute for me...
Sunday, February 24, 2013
When the truth is found to be lies and all the joy within you Dies!
Well I'm back after my little stint with the kangaroo court system here. Went before the judge on Friday. All that was done then was him assigning me a public defender to represent me. I am charged in that county with Delivery of schedule lll drug, Buprenorphene (suboxone). I was caught on camera in June of 2011, giving a suboxone to a low life snake in the grass slime ball chicken shit nark snitch, aka confidential Informant. This sick mother fucker called my girl and begged her to get me to give him some subs (suboxone) because he could not find any pills anywhere, and he was dope sick in withdrawals. He had to have some relief or in his own words" I'm gonna fucking die without help"......Oh how I wish the son of a bitch would have done just that!!! Any way I gave in and drove to the next county and gave him the "relief" he so needed. Horse shit! that sorry asshole filmed everything with a little camera in the button on his pocket that was placed there by the jerkwater USA's finest investigators which he had been working for since 2010. I am among many many more done the same way by this sorry fuck wad...............................That's just what this disease does. It works in every area of my life. I had been clean from I.V.morphine for almost 2 years when this went down. I knew it was wrong to do this. But this guy was supposedly hurting and was going to treatment, he just needed something to help him over the hump.That's what I felt. My disease had me again. This shit will rule and ruin your life......I am so fucking tired of being a drug addict. You don't have to be using for the disease of addiction to fuck your world up. What pisses me off is I know this and I still listened to it! Putting dope in my veins was just a symptom of the real PROBLEM ....ME.!!! I am clean today, so that is all that matters........................... My truck was also confiscated. so here I sit.Thats gonna cost more than I want to give but i will, have to have a way to go......I have way to much anger built up and that will get me nowhere, But I would sure love to get my hands on this slim bag........got to surrender these feelings or I know I will be in worse shape than I am now. There is sooooooo much more to this and it will come out...I was told when you write about problems you get them out and make room for new good things. Thats hard to believe right now, even though I know it works.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Meet The Drug Dealer Who Helps Addicts Quit
A prescription drug called Suboxone helps wean people off of
heroin and pain pills, but addicts have a hard time getting
prescriptions. So they're turning to the black market.
An Albuquerque man who goes by the name Mystery Man has stepped in to fill the void. He says he illegally sells Suboxone every day.
To get Suboxone, Mystery Man has to find a patient with a Suboxone prescription, and give that person the $50 co-pay to fill it. He gets that money by selling, among other things, crack and guns.
He sells each pill for $5. He uses the profit to pay himself and his bodyguards, and to invest in his next deal. He says he notices a difference in his customers. "People don't overdose no more. They're just mellow," he says. "If you take it you won't be stealing, you won't be robbing, and you won't be prostituting."
Special Agent Keith Brown oversees the Drug Enforcement Administration's operations in New Mexico. He disagrees with Mystery Man. "Mystery Man [is] not a doctor. He doesn't know anything about how the medicine should be used, the dosing of it, any side effects. I think is dangerous for all involved."
Unlike pain pills and heroin, Suboxone (generic name: buprenorphine) is very hard to overdose on. Addicts can take it to avoid withdrawal symptoms and manage their cravings for these drugs.
"People who are treated with Suboxone are able to go back to school, they're able to go back to work, they're able to start paying taxes and taking care of their children," says Dr. Miriam Komaromy, who directs a state-funded addiction treatment hospital in New Mexico. "It's making them able to return to being a functioning member of society."
New Mexico has the highest fatal drug overdose rate the U.S. For years, it's battled against one of the worst heroin epidemics in the country. And while heroin use has pretty much held steady, a recent report from the New Mexico Department of Health shows the sales of opioid pain relievers that are popular recreational drugs increased by 131% between 2001 and 2010.
Some physicians do prescribe Suboxone to treat addicts. But many do not.
"A lot of physicians are very resistant to prescribing Suboxone because they fear it will attract opiate addicts to their practices which brings with it a whole can of worms in terms of managing those clients," says Seth Williams, a nurse practitioner who treats the homeless in Albuquerque.
Scientists have long searched for a prescription to treat addiction. But companies were hesitant to develop one. Charles O'Keeffe is the former president and CEO of Reckitt Benckiser, the company that developed Suboxone. "There's not much money to be made in it," says O'Keeffe. "This is not a disease space that a lot of people want to treat."
The U.S. government stepped in and partnered with Reckitt to bring the drug to market in 2000. Buprenorphine
— the main ingredient in Subxone — became the only drug doctors could
prescribe to treat heroin and pain pill addiction in their offices.
Because it is an opiate, the regulations are strict. Doctors have to
complete a special training, and there's a limit to the number of
patients they can see — about a quarter of them may treat no more than
100 per year; the rest are limited to 30. But the need for opiate
treatment has drastically increased, beyond what Reckitt could have anticipated.
The prescription drug overdose death rate in the U.S. is three times what it was in 1999,
and yet the number of new doctors certified to treat these addictions
with Suboxone has plateaued. Dr. Komaromy — in New Mexico — says she
thinks her state could multiply the number of providers by five and
still not be meeting the need.
The Center for Substance Abuse Research at the University of Maryland, College Park recently warned of an emerging buprenorphine misuse. But a survey of physicians who are certified
to prescribe Suboxone underscores Mystery Man's role. The majority
believe patients who seek Suboxone on the street are doing so to
self-medicate.
Doctors who treat addiction are worried that Suboxone will gain a reputation as a street drug. But for now, the street is the only marketplace keeping up with demand.
An Albuquerque man who goes by the name Mystery Man has stepped in to fill the void. He says he illegally sells Suboxone every day.
To get Suboxone, Mystery Man has to find a patient with a Suboxone prescription, and give that person the $50 co-pay to fill it. He gets that money by selling, among other things, crack and guns.
He sells each pill for $5. He uses the profit to pay himself and his bodyguards, and to invest in his next deal. He says he notices a difference in his customers. "People don't overdose no more. They're just mellow," he says. "If you take it you won't be stealing, you won't be robbing, and you won't be prostituting."
Special Agent Keith Brown oversees the Drug Enforcement Administration's operations in New Mexico. He disagrees with Mystery Man. "Mystery Man [is] not a doctor. He doesn't know anything about how the medicine should be used, the dosing of it, any side effects. I think is dangerous for all involved."
Unlike pain pills and heroin, Suboxone (generic name: buprenorphine) is very hard to overdose on. Addicts can take it to avoid withdrawal symptoms and manage their cravings for these drugs.
"People who are treated with Suboxone are able to go back to school, they're able to go back to work, they're able to start paying taxes and taking care of their children," says Dr. Miriam Komaromy, who directs a state-funded addiction treatment hospital in New Mexico. "It's making them able to return to being a functioning member of society."
New Mexico has the highest fatal drug overdose rate the U.S. For years, it's battled against one of the worst heroin epidemics in the country. And while heroin use has pretty much held steady, a recent report from the New Mexico Department of Health shows the sales of opioid pain relievers that are popular recreational drugs increased by 131% between 2001 and 2010.
Some physicians do prescribe Suboxone to treat addicts. But many do not.
"A lot of physicians are very resistant to prescribing Suboxone because they fear it will attract opiate addicts to their practices which brings with it a whole can of worms in terms of managing those clients," says Seth Williams, a nurse practitioner who treats the homeless in Albuquerque.
Scientists have long searched for a prescription to treat addiction. But companies were hesitant to develop one. Charles O'Keeffe is the former president and CEO of Reckitt Benckiser, the company that developed Suboxone. "There's not much money to be made in it," says O'Keeffe. "This is not a disease space that a lot of people want to treat."
Notes
National figures. Some deaths may be counted twice because they involved both heroin and opioid-based prescription drugs.
Notes
National figures.
Notes
National figures.Doctors who treat addiction are worried that Suboxone will gain a reputation as a street drug. But for now, the street is the only marketplace keeping up with demand.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Secret Indictment!! Ut Oh...didn't see that comming!
This hell know as the disease of addiction takes hold on the addict, their family and what new friends they have managed to make. Well at least ya don't have to worry about the "new Friends"...especially when the front page of the "One Who Stirs The Shit Daily Tribune" Has me being hauled away to jail by no fewer than 7 of Jerkwater USA's Finest.Yea They were all decked out in bullet proof vest and riot gear but were sure to have their faces blurred out to conceal their "secret identity" or was it embarrassment??? Me, a mere shell of myself due to the cirrhosis that has deeply scared my liver over the past 18 months, I must have been quiet the threat. Especially when they had trouble getting the ankle shackles to stay on my artificial leg. Yep I am a in danger of running from them ..LOL!!
Then I found out that a snitch had got me on camera Giving him a suboxone because he wanted to "GET Clean"........Yea right....and I new better!! even 2 years ago when this happened. I was only one of nearly 135 others he had shot dope with, sold dope to and all importantly bought dope from. Had each and every Buy but none of the sells or sticking a needle in little girls as young as 17, Then raping them. All of that was conveniently omitted from being caught on tape. When I asked how could they employ such a scumbag I was told ya don't use a choir boy to catch junkies. No mister D.A. you're right...all ya need is to show a sick and confused addict a little dope and ya got him...No need to lie or even rape....all of that is of no value to us....just show us the dope.. that's plenty sufficient to kill any one of us at any given moment....... Ya see mister D.A. you are just as misinformed as the better part of society is. You just have the power to hurt alot more than you ever do good.....EDUCATE YOURSELF YOU SHIT STAIN ON LIFE.... and keep setting those $ 40,000 bonds... That works real good also.
Going to have to let this one go..........or he will win in the end.
God Bless us.
Then I found out that a snitch had got me on camera Giving him a suboxone because he wanted to "GET Clean"........Yea right....and I new better!! even 2 years ago when this happened. I was only one of nearly 135 others he had shot dope with, sold dope to and all importantly bought dope from. Had each and every Buy but none of the sells or sticking a needle in little girls as young as 17, Then raping them. All of that was conveniently omitted from being caught on tape. When I asked how could they employ such a scumbag I was told ya don't use a choir boy to catch junkies. No mister D.A. you're right...all ya need is to show a sick and confused addict a little dope and ya got him...No need to lie or even rape....all of that is of no value to us....just show us the dope.. that's plenty sufficient to kill any one of us at any given moment....... Ya see mister D.A. you are just as misinformed as the better part of society is. You just have the power to hurt alot more than you ever do good.....EDUCATE YOURSELF YOU SHIT STAIN ON LIFE.... and keep setting those $ 40,000 bonds... That works real good also.
Going to have to let this one go..........or he will win in the end.
God Bless us.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Growing Pains
Haven't written in a very long time. Have been sick as hell from the chemo for this Hep C that had already progressed to cirrhosis. Went through all the" mind screwing "and depression that comes with the disease. I'll spend more time on discussing this later, God knows I have a load of crap that needs to be put down.
I was talking to a friend today about recover when the subject of growth came up. I heard somewhere that recovery was all about Growing The Hell Up! When I was a child I spoke as a child. Now I am a grown man and most of the time I am all up in my head about childish things. Like getting mad or pouting when I dont get my way. I should have learned as I grew older, coping skills of how not to throw a fit. I grew up on the outside but remained childish inside. If I stop, look at what is right in front of me, take care of what needs taking care of and leaving the rest alone, that means not even the smart ass comment that seems to come, needs to be mentioned. I guess I grew a little then. I have been in and out of recover, for the last 18 years. I have learned 1 very important thing. Don't put dope in my body and I want get high. Works everytime.
I was talking to a friend today about recover when the subject of growth came up. I heard somewhere that recovery was all about Growing The Hell Up! When I was a child I spoke as a child. Now I am a grown man and most of the time I am all up in my head about childish things. Like getting mad or pouting when I dont get my way. I should have learned as I grew older, coping skills of how not to throw a fit. I grew up on the outside but remained childish inside. If I stop, look at what is right in front of me, take care of what needs taking care of and leaving the rest alone, that means not even the smart ass comment that seems to come, needs to be mentioned. I guess I grew a little then. I have been in and out of recover, for the last 18 years. I have learned 1 very important thing. Don't put dope in my body and I want get high. Works everytime.
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